I find it depressing that in the shearest essence of existence, I really want nothing more than a long isolation from society. Nearly all that I read focuses on the same themes, reflecting my dreams. Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Friedrich Nietzsche is my favorite book. Nietzsche's protagonist, Zarathustra, is a disambiguated prophet of the Zoroastrian faith used as a vessel for Nietzsche's ideologies. Zarathustra's thoughts were obtained through ten years of solitude spent as a mute atop a mountain. I adore Thoreau's approach on the abandonment of social and personal materials. I find Jack Kerouac and Christopher McCandless (of Into the Wild) theme to be some breed of modern pioneer, and what are they? Glorified hobos, more or less. Even my favorite album: For Emma, Forever Ago by Bon Iver. For Emma is an anthology of songs written in a winter-engulfed cabin in northwestern Wisconsin (if that isn't desolate, I don't know what is) about the cruel memories associated with former social ties, whether they were relationships, or friends, or modern "gods."

I want to feel my toes dangle nimbly over the edge of a cliff without the fear of being pushed to a death. It is not the death I fear, it is a lack of fulfillment. I want to achieve something with life, and I feel like I cannot grasp the image until I can be in solitude. I want to stand on that cliff with toes dangling nimbly as I watch a colossal beehive below my feet. Cars driving back and forth, and back, then forth, with their own slight intentions that, from a mountain, are nothing more than a pattern of movement. "To love others, you must first love your self" is a phrase I have heard many times. But in society there are too many others too love and hate to focus on the self. When alone, I feel it possible to break down my soul to molecular sizes: to fully understand each fragment of a personality. And when I miss people, I could see their true beauty. I think I could enlighten myself, and it would be possible to reflect and create brilliance.

But,
it may not work like that at all.

I would rather try than drift in apathy, though.